Praise the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for he is gracious, and a song of praise is seemly.
Bondage Breakers
Freedom in Jesus Christ
Freedom Proclaimer’s
Breaking Free from Addictions
When A Loved One Is Addicted - The Art of Letting Go
The truth, of course, is that you can't get someone to stop
drinking or using or practicing an addictive behavior. It just
isn't possible. The addict may promise a change in behavior -
and when they do, they usually mean it. But the nature of
addiction means they will deceive first themselves, and then you
and continue with the behavior that's driving you mad.
This is why Al-Anon's and others tell you that you must let go
of your loved one - with love. Which is true, but it's hard to
understand and difficult to do.
The key to letting go is acceptance - total, 100%, unconditional
acceptance of what is. In the case of a loved one who is
practicing an addiction, this means you must accept three
things:
1. They are addicted
2. There's nothing you can do about it
3. It's not your fault. Acceptance is different than resignation
- resignation carries a tone of being a victim. On the other
hand, acceptance is an honest facing of the facts, an
observation if you will. It carries the same emotional tone as
noticing the day is clear or cloudy or that your eyes are blue
or brown - the fact of your loved one's addiction just is. When
you truly accept the situation, the letting go is automatic -
and often, so is the love. But the clinging is gone; the
yearning that things be different no longer drives you. You
know, at a soul level, that it is not your fault, and not the
fault of the addict. You know, deep down, that there is nothing
you can do to change the fact of their addiction and you are at
peace with that.
The peace is a gift, and, when it comes, you can be sure you
earned it.
When your acceptance is real and total, your way will be clear.
You'll know what you need to do for yourself and those around
you.
No one can tell you what that might be - you are the expert on
your own life. It is through your acceptance and resulting
letting go that you are returned to your own power.
