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Melanie’s Testimony April 12, 2002
When I think back over the years, I don’t ever remember a time that I didn’t feel a sense of loss and pain in this big world. When I was very young my parents’ divorced and on top of that I always had trouble in school because of a learning disability, dyslexia. It seemed that year after year, even though the teachers liked me, they just seemed to ignore me because I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class. Not much was known then about this disability at this time. Years later I decided to drop out of high school and run way with by boyfriend. We took a bus all the way to Pennsylvania. My mother and father did not know where I was. At the time I didn’t understand how worried they must have been. All I could think of was, “run, run, run”! This is when my life really started to slide down hill. I was fifteen years old with no education, and thought that I could strike out on my own in this big world!
My pills would help me make it through the day when I couldn’t pay the bills, or was just having a bad day wondering even where I would live, or where the next meal would come from. I was too ashamed to go back home or call for money. I wanted to show everyone that I could make things work out on my own. But soon, at the age of twenty, I began to drink alcohol when there was no money for my pills. Oh, the garbage that I kept pushing down deep inside. I had one marriage after another with much mental and physical abuse. My life spun out of control with bar rooms, dating, partying, using, drinking----you name it, I did it! I got real good at playing all night and working all day----“I thought”! I never seemed to find what I was looking for. There was a hole deep in my heart that I desperately tried to fill, but I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Life continued with so much pain and disappointments. And then as I was spending a week-end with my father and brother at our fishing camp in Leevile, La., my father had a massive heart attack right in front of me and as I watched my brother, Chris, give CPR, I cried out to God in agony and pain. But my dad died the next day. My heart was breaking. I loved my dad more than life, and now he was gone. I knew that I would miss him more than I could ever bear. During the day I seemed to hold up, but when night began to set in I would fall apart. I just didn’t want to live any more. And to top it all off, I got married once again, much against the advice of my mother. But he couldn’t take the pain away either. Another quick marriage and divorce! Soon after that, I found myself in Mexico. It was a great place to buy pills and party. I had an inheritance of money, more than I ever dreamed or imagined, and even that could not fill that empty hole in my heart. Three years passed by and one afternoon I did what was by now my daily routine and took my fix of pills and waited to get “high”. During the night, I must have unconsciously taken more pills. Deep down, I just wanted to find away out of this life and mess I had created. Well, I did just that, but I didn’t come out of it. By the grace of God, my mother felt led by the Lord to come and check on me, and after ringing the doorbell and calling me on the phone with no answer, she came inside and found me on the floor unconscious with very little life left. The ambulance attendant told her they didn’t know whether or not I would make it to the hospital in time. When I came to the next day at the hospital, I knew I needed help. I wondered what made me keep doing this to myself. How often I would cry out to God to help me, but would just keep on doing my drugs. I was in a deep dark hole and couldn’t seem to crawl out. As I was lying there on my hospital bed crying my heart out and begging God to help me, even thought I was angry at him for letting me live. My mothers pastor, Brother Ron, from her church came in. All I could do was cry and then cry some more. We talked and he told me about a Christian rehabilitation center in Mississippi for women called Home of Grace. I would have to spend the next three months there and even though I didn’t want to go, I felt like I at least owed this to my family. I didn’t think I would make it for three months without my pills, alcohol or cigarettes, but where else could I go? I was so scared and alone. But without me realizing it, God had me all to Himself now. I began each day trying my best to Reading God’s word and praying and then attending classes. In between my tears and being homesick, I just kept on praying. I was so miserable, but something kept telling me to stay. About half way through my stay there, April 20, 2002, we were scheduled to attend a conference on “Freedom from Addiction” by Mike and Julia Quarles. All of sudden while I was listening to the speaker, a feeling came over me that I had never experienced before. It seemed that everything that I had been learning about Jesus at Home of Grace was so crystal clear now and made sense to me. Wow! I could see---I could understand---my darkness and fog had disappeared. I now know that at that moment I was born again. The old man had gone and the new Melanie was here. It seems as if the Holy Spirit jumped right into my heart. My earthly father was gone, but now I have a heavenly Father who will never leave me nor forsake me, and He loves me more than I could have ever dreamed possible. That old empty hole in my heart is so full of Jesus now that all I can do is smile and praise and thank God for saving me. He is my Savior now and has given me a reason to live. I love my life and want each day to be a beautiful love song to my Jesus. He is my best friend now and I am so filled with joy and thanksgiving. By the grace of God, my past is but a distant memory now, thanks to all of my mother’s prayers for me and the prayers of my family, pastor, and the staff at the Home of Grace. I have been set free to live my new life with my best friend, JESUS.
Melanie
After graduating from Home of Grace I was offered a job there as a week-end supervisor with the women. This was definitely God’s plan for me because I was the first woman that they had ever employed right out of treatment. Even though I would have to travel from Baton Rouge to Gauthier, Mississippi each week, I accepted the job offer and began my new life helping women who were right where I was just a few months ago. While I was there I began to work on another addiction that plagued my life---over eating! Over the years I had gained 100 pounds. This would be a huge mountain to climb, but I knew that with God’s help I could do this. I lost 80 pounds and continue to pray each and every day for God’s help.
After working at Home of Grace for 2 years I began working with teens from the age of 13 to 17 at the Springs Recovery Hospital in Greenwell Springs, Louisiana. During my 3 years there, God impressed on my heart to begin classes for my GED. I had the most wonderful Christian teacher who daily encouraged and helped me with my lessons. What a day that was when I received my diploma! All of my family was there to celebrate with me. I certainly know that “all things are possible through Jesus Christ”.
Soon after graduation I began Baton Rouge Community College and now I am in college! Who would have ever believed, surely not me. The Lord Jesus gives us so much more than we could ever ask or imagine.
I am now employed with Set Free Indeed where I am a Counselor in Training. My greatest desire is to help and pray for those who are where I once was. I know that God will do for them what He did for me. “Here I am Lord, send me” is my daily prayer. Pass the Flesh You know, it’s funny how we never judge a fruit by its outer appearance. Take a kiwi for example. It’s oval shape, and dirty brown color, with the texture of a rat. Ewww right? Lol. From the looks of it, you may pump your breaks, and u-turn. But knowing that there’s much more behind this hideous coating, our hearts began to speed, anticipating every bite of sweet, green, and smooth tasting fruit that dwells inside. In the same way, who makes potato salad without first pealing the potatoes? Louisiana natives are stray jacket crazy over crawfish. But someone may ask, “Who really wants a fire red, hard back sea creature, with sticky claws and a creature is a nub length, juicy, and spicy strip of meat that makes your mouth o so watery, and thirsty for more. Unnnn! In the same way, I believe the most attractive and unique part of anyone is the unseen beauty relationship with him is so intimate, even though we can’t see or touch. Not one under gravity is perfect, meaning we all have defects in our character. Learning to live and love a person for their good, bad, and ugly takes patience. You see, Jesus takes, and works with us as we are. When no matter who, whether mom, dad, brother, sister, husband, wife, friend, or whoever, we all offend and wound one another in many ways. Reason being that we’re all different, therefore our inner-beings collide. That’s why Love is the greatest of all, because Love does no wrong to others. It only accepts and forgives. So as it is said, “let’s not judge a book by its cover.” In the same way, let’s not depict the day because of morning rain. Behind every dark cloud comes a bright sun, and just like a child, we’re overjoyed that the rain is gone, and we can now play, and enjoy the day, pass the flesh. By: Ivan
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